The story of two best friends, aspiring screenwriter Elliot, whose teacher only wanted to date him and was arrested for selling alcohol to minors (the teacher not Elliot), and aspiring actor John, who was kicked out of acting school, whose dreams of super-stardom have fizzled and have been fired from every job they’ve ever done. After John’s disastrous interview with celebrity Brett Anderson which involves John’s pants ripping, they make a pact to become famous before their 30th birthday in 24 hours. In their first attempt they get beaten up by a homeless man named Archie after trying to get a check back from him when they found out the camera only filmed their feet and in their second attempt they get rescued from a fire, Elliot by an old woman. After an interview is denied, John concludes that it’s not fame they want; its infamy.
v Elliot and John attempt to hack a company using the names “deadly jester” and “fist of satan” but the owner, Marvin Masterson, retaliates by using his “reverse-screw-driver” to delete all of John’s porn and melt Elliot and John’s computer. John later decides to go on a killing spree in order to get more attention. At first Elliot is reluctant but eventually decides to help John, saying he can’t do this alone. After buying mass amounts of chloroform the two attempt to kill an old woman but John has second thoughts. Elliot and John discover that while in disguise, they became witnesses to a robbery and are now being called the “mystery witnesses”. The two go on TV and say they are the “mystery witnesses,” and they become a media sensation with the help of Sally and Linda, two girls who work at a mall and the love interests of the two protagonists. However, when brought to the police station soon after, they are informed by Detective Donahue that the man they arrested was actually a relative of the member of a Cleveland crime syndicate and the two are now being forced to go to the witness protection program so that his family members will not kill them. Desperate not to throw their life away in the crapper, the two run away from the police station.
Elliot and John go to Sally and Linda’s apartment to get away from the cops and come up with an idea to kill the mystery witnesses. Using a rare collectible action figure, Elliot and John convince the Nerd King, the overweight owner of a collectible store to fake the deaths of the “mystery witnesses.” After it is done by the two, only wearing their underwear, they return to Sally and Linda’s apartment but discover it is filled with the press. However, the two are arrested for running away from the police station and are put in the witness protection program, but are able to say their goodbyes to Sally and Linda. In the end, John and Elliot are seen working at a diner, flipping burgers and wearing fake mustaches. They smile knowing that they have now gotten what they’ve always wanted, FAME.